I finally read the perks of being a wallflower and it was amazing. I highly suggest everyone reads it. I'm not sure what exactly what it is, but something about that book and movie stands out and needs to be appreciated. Not that it's not already appreciated by the world at large, but I feel like certain people who relate to it don't relate to it in the same sense that I do. I haven't experienced everything that is explained in the book, but I do get most of it on a very personal level, and before your worry, I'm in no need of help. I just wish the world could understand the beauty in it the way that I do.
Anyways, that's not why I'm writing. I'm writing because I graduate in sixteen days. There are nine days left of the strenuous online course I'm taking and after that comes the mayhem of setting up the grad party. I'm rather excited for all of it but I also can't wait for it to be done. Such big events have so much anticipation but when they arrive it's almost like you're dreading it. I can feel it now. The building anticipation that will consume me and change to nervous banters about what will go where and how everything is supposed to be.
We all have ideas of how things like these will go from past experiences or seeing them on TV or in movies, but we also all know that that's not how it's going to happen. There will be family arguments. There will be drunks. And there will be the realization that a part of my life is completely over and I have to live with the choices I've made, along with everyone else in my class.
It's a strange transition to begin with, but I had to go ahead and make it more difficult for myself. Going off to college at sixteen without a high school diploma was hard enough in and of itself, but the process of receiving that physical diploma might be harder. I have to go back to the school I hated and surround myself with the people who I once considered my friends, only to have them turn their backs on me. I've never known what I did to them to make them hate me, but it must've been pretty bad. The only thing I can do is grin and bear it and hope for it to all come to an end soon.
The worst part is the unknown. What's keeping me up at night is what to put on the back of my cap. Not party details or "frenemy" issues, but what to display for the gym to see the day I walk across the stage. Do I say something kitchy and cocky like a big middle finger to the school, display the school of my choice for the next three years, or have an inspirational quote. Why do I care about such small details you may ask? The answer is simple: I'm so overwhelmed with everything else that my brain resorts to the one thing I actually have control over. Awesome.
Here's to a great fucking class and the end we've all been waiting for.
